Bed Bugs

I hate how our nightmares follow us into our dreams. I spend most of my day trying to remain calm and not sweat the little things. And they are such little things usually. Having left over food...forgetting to cross days off my calendar. Leaving the water pitcher out all day. Waking up late for school. And then I go to bed and I just get saddled with all this displaced stress. I mean, I guess that's what it is. I've literally had a dream where the whole thing went like this. "Oh no I'm late for class! I need to get up...wait. I'm dreaming. I'm still asleep....Which means I'm late for class! I need to get up...wait. I'm dreaming. I'm still asleep...Which means I'm REALLY late for class!! I NEED TO GET UP! ...wait. shit. I'm still dreaming aren't I? But I bet now I'm late. No, my alarm would have gone off. But maybe I turned it off on accident. No it's fine. See? There it goes now... Except, well, my alarm doesn't beep it....sighhh. It sings." And then my alarm starts singing whatever song I set it too for real. This happens to me.
Then again, there are worse things. Like when I dreamed my best friend who ran away from home came back to Savannah...but with a big wooden shield bolted to her face through the eyeballs. Whenever I saw her in profile I could see her teeth stretching up in a mangled smile to her ear lobes.
Yes, there are definitely worse things than dreaming you are late for class.

I just wish I could learn to exercise as much control over my, for lack of better word, "subconscious" mind as I have over my emotional life. I spent all of middle school and some of high school getting acquainted with the idea of personal tragedy and the extremes of emotion in general. I'm not sure if "contented" or "apathetic" were words that were even on my radar. When you're young, feelings can be very polarizing. Since then, I've spent my time learning how to turn parts of myself off when they start spinning too fast or making too much noise. Maybe, I've not figured out how to fix the squeaky wheel...but I can sure as hell ignore it.
But when you dream something....when you dream the same thing over and over again, it's inescapable. And it makes you feel guilty even though you know it's not really your fault. But just because you know something isn't your fault doesn't mean you can't still feel like a spectacular failure.